The ways of God are always mysterious in their depth and beauty, and oftentimes mysterious also because they unfold along paths that we cannot foretell or see in advance. When I began to train to become an artist, I had the idea of painting iconography, because of the depth of its spiritual meaning in the tradition of the Church, as well as its connection with the life of prayer and contemplation. Icons, indeed, are born from the womb of prayer, from a long contemplative gazing upon the glory of God shining in the faces of Christ, Mary, and the saints.
Long story short, I decided to avoid, or at least to wait, trying my hand at icons. This was for two reasons: first, I did not see a way to receive the instruction that so many professional iconographers said was necessary to really produce icons of high quality. Can this be done through books and videos? Second, I was dissuaded by the cost of creating an icon, something which I simply couldn’t afford, and also something I felt very disinclined to charge the recipients of my paintings. I believe that religious or sacred art should not be made for the “elite,” but for the ordinary believer, the try in some small way to create a connection between them and the God who approaches them in love. I have always felt a kind of tension between a life of radical poverty and the “luxurious” nature of creating art, and wanting my art also to bear marks of the poverty and simplicity that I have embraced in the rest of my life.
Icon of Jesus
However, I can say that this struggle has become more and more harmonized over time; indeed, God has led me full circle now, and in a rather unexpected way. The art forms that I attempted over the last seven months reached a kind of “dead end.” For some reason I could not proceed, practically, to continue improving, and, more deeply, I could not find meaning in what I was doing for the wider community, nor situate it in contemplative gazing upon the beauty of God.
And I had already spent a great deal, more than I was comfortable with, on art supplies of all kinds. Surrendering all of this to the Lord, I asked him over a period of months, feeling a kind of futility, what he desired for me in all of this. All of this occurred in a deeper peace, however, since the core of my life remained steady, God’s pure gift, in which the gift of art, too, in his time and his way, was also to find its place. This primary gift is, and always will be, the gift of abiding in the love of God above everything else, the gift of childhood; and there is also, secondarily, the joy of my vocation as a hermit. Yet how did this particular desire to create art, and also the human need for work and the stewardship of creation, find its place, concretely, within these things?
There were a number of things that subtly reawakened my desire to try my hand at iconography at last. Most especially was the yearning to find myself enfolded within the beauty of a tradition so much greater than myself, and my fatigue with the emptiness of so much modern and contemporary art, and, finally, the yearning for the harmony of prayer and art which I had been seeking. Last of all, the cost issue was resolved, as I began again to study ways of creating icons. In this, I found a way that I could proceed, and also a particular gift I could offer to others…flowing from prayer and inviting them also to prayer, gazing on the beauty of God shining in the transfigured flesh of his creation.
I am now practicing the art of iconography, though I do not intend to lay aside the more naturalistic forms of art either. Usually an icon requires a large expense, and thus can run for upwards of $300 or even $1000 for whoever wants to own and pray with a hand-painted icon. Using acrylic paints rather than egg tempera, which operates somewhat differently but can produce very similar results, I can also use a more simple painting surface in addition to other subtle differences. Thus, I can paint an icon for under $10 or $20, which is still entirely archival and will last through time. Taking advantage of modern innovations in art, yet remaining entirely within the tradition of iconography in terms of spirituality and methodology, etc., I hope to make hand-painted icons available for whomever may benefit from them.
Currently, of course, I am not a professional in painting icons. However, it would greatly spur me on in my efforts if I had someone for whom to paint, someone to carry in prayer during the painting of an icon, and whose presence would encourage me to work to the best of my ability.
Virgin (incomplete)
If you would like to commission me to paint an icon for you, all that would be necessary is that you can cover the cost of materials; at this point I do not want to charge more, since my work is not, in my opinion, of that quality. Please contact me at lovingcompassion3@gmail.com with an icon request. If you have an idea, or even an image upon which I can base the icon, that would be great. If you don’t want to commission at this point, please keep me in prayer nonetheless, that I may be transparent in all things to the love and beauty of our Lord. I will continue to pray for you.
